Traumatizing your children

Our kids are so confused. That has become apparent these past couple of weeks with comments from Kaden that I will tell in a minute. As he started to make all of these comments we reflected back on the past few months of our lives and tried to see it from the poor kids' perspective. We drive to Florida, spending each night in a different place. We get to Florida, and move into their temporary housing which is like a bigger hotel, and Kaden tries to ask "so we are staying here for a long time?" and we answer "well, kind of, for a few months anyway, only not really because we are staying for 10 days and then moving across the street into a 4 bedroom. . . " So we are there for just over 3 months and then start the drive to VA where we stay in a hotel and then in the TLF in VA for about 9 days. The first whole day we are in VA, we start taking the kids around to look at houses so we can find one to rent. We find the one we want and are pretty sure we will rent, but keep looking at other houses, too, just to make sure. Then we sign a lease. Every day we come to this house to do things and tell the kids this is where we are going to live for a long time. . . but not yet. . . we are going back to the TLF for a few more nights until the movers bring our stuff. The first day we were in Virginia, and we had dragged the kids around all day and they were ready to go "home" (but where was that?), Kaden said something like "I wish we could move somewhere for forever". That made me feel kind of sad. And then every day while we were waiting for our household goods, he was so confused and would say when we got to the house "so is this the one we are staying at for 3-5 more nights?". Noah is old enough to really understand and comprehend, but how traumatic and confusing for Kaden and Ammon, especially Kaden because he is on the verge of understanding and is trying, while Ammon is still young and just going with the flow. And Micah seemed unaffected by everything, but since we have moved in, he must sense this is home because he is suddenly sleeping much better. We are so glad to be here and moving in and having more of a sense of permanence!

Happy Birthday Noah

Noah's waffle breakfast

Okay, luckily Noah felt very privileged to have his birthday during the most chaotic week ever. We had our things delivered on Tuesday, his birthday was on Wednesday, Thanksgiving on Thursday. So on his birthday we were very much still in boxes, but had at least unpacked the kitchen and beds and had furniture to sit on. We tried to make it a fun birthday, and despite running out of ingredients with making the cake, and clogging the garbage disposal with carrot peels, and other fun things, it turned out to be a fun day for him. He had a half day of school, then we went to a squadron Thanksgiving dinner and had our picture taken in front of a raptor, and then Travis took Noah to a movie while we tried to finish the cake again, and then we had dinner and had our friends over for cake and ice cream. That was fun for everyone. I can't believe my Noah is SEVEN years old!

More house pics

Here are the stairs going to the second floor, which is 3 bedrooms and a bathroom.

This kind of show how high the ceiling is in the living room. We had to go and borrow a huge ladder from our neighbor to replace a lightbulb before we had friends over for Noah's birthday.

Right as you walk in the front door, is this sitting room to your left. We are trying to find something to put in their. We would love to have a toy room or place for all of our office things, but not to be the first thing people see when they walk in. . .

This is supposed to be the formal dining room, it is to the right when you walk in the front door. For now it can be our Christmas tree room. . .

New House!

We finally got our household goods and started moving in on Tuesday. We are not close to being done with the unpacking so that's what I should be doing, but I wanted to post a few pictures. These were all before we got our things, so I'll have to take more later. Here's the front of the house. . .

Back yard. . . right behind the fence is a really cool looking wooded area that Noah is so excited to go out and explore. There is a gate to make it more accessible.

Back yard and shed. . .

Huge living room with vaulted ceilings. . . I must have been ignoring Ammon who must have been asking for food and snacks as usual. . .

This is what you see of the kitchen and eat-in area as you are coming into the living room.

Gratitude Month--Z

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. . . .

That's right--SLEEP! I am thankful when I have a baby who sleeps. I am grateful for when my kids nap and sleep well in the night. And I am thankful for my own sleep whether it's being able to sleep during the night or taking a wonderful afternoon nap. It is so nice to fall exhausted into a nice comfortable bed at night and drift off to sleep. There are times that I wish for more hours in the day, and think "wouldn't it be nice if my body didn't need sleep--think of all the extra time I would have!" But I think I would just take a few more hours in the day, and still be able to go to bed at night and rejuvenate and let our brains recover from our day. . . I am so thankful for sleep.

Gratitude Month--Y

Yarn--I am not a naturally creative or crafty person. I have always spent more time on playing sports and being outside. Now I see the beautiful talents in people around me and sometimes wish I had developed those same talents. A few years ago, my friend Marian taught me how to crochet baby blankets ( yes, with yarn, now you see the connection). It is a good feeling to be able to create something fun and beautiful, no matter how simple. I should learn to do more things like that.

Yoga--Marian also introduce me to bikram's yoga about a year and a half ago, and I love it. I never would have guessed that I would like such things. I did it almost every night before Micah and while I was pregnant I did the pregnancy version. It helped me not get as much sciatic pain or back pain, and I am positive that my labor was much better because of it. I have been a slacker lately but I want to start doing it more regularly, because you feel great afterwards.

Gratitude Month--X

XOXOXOXOX
XOXOXOXO

First of all, I have nothing against video games or anyone who does have an XBOX, but I am still grateful that we do not have one, and that Travis isn't really interested in playing video games. I can't help it, I just love attention to much to share. . .

Next- XOXOXOX--I am grateful for hugs and kisses. So grateful. I love cuddly kids (to an extent, I guess I can easily be smothered by them, though) and baby snuggles, and I need daily hugs and affection from Travis. It creates feelings of affection and happiness a sense of well-being that just don't come any other way. I love it and it makes me happy.

Gratitude Month--W

I don't know why I had a hard time thinking of something for this one. A sudden flood just came to me. I could say Water--whether to drink, to swim in, to clean things with, to shower in. It's awesome. Or the Weather--okay, I mean the four seasons. I love the variety and excitement with each new season.


Washing Machines--How lazy am I? I seriously do not know how in the world people kept their family's clothes clean in the days before Washers and Dryers were invented. I do laundry 3-4 times a week. It takes a good chunk of my time and I am not even doing it by hand! Can you imagine?



But my final answer is:

Weaknesses--Although I hope to overcome them someday, I am grateful for weaknesses. One of Noah's challenges in school is that he is used to already knowing how to do things. When he comes across something more challenging, or when he just makes a simple mistake and the teacher circles it, he flips out (I'm not sure how else to say it). As his teacher and I both try to explain to him that it's okay to make mistakes and it's even good, I have thought about myself and how our weaknesses can becomes our strengths when we deal with them in the right way. One of my favorite scriptures:

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Gratitude Month--V

Vegetables--and other healthy food. I am grateful for the people who have inspired and taught me to be more healthy (you should know who you are). And I am grateful that my kids usually love their vegetables. I feel gratitude every time I don't have to fight them. I am also grateful when I am eating well, and how good it makes me feel.

Vacuums--I love the looks of a newly vacuumed room! And ours gets very dirty very fast so it's even funner to vacuum and see the difference. I have to vacuum at least twice a day and don't know what I would do without a vacuum! I am also especially grateful for OUR vacuum--and excited for the day when we have it back. . . (maybe we already do by the time this is posting. . . )

Vans--I am grateful for our minivan. We bought it when I was 6 months pregnant with #3, and I'll never forget how great it felt to not have to bend clear down and buckle kids in. It's so nice to have the extra space, too.

Gratitude Month--U

Ugly Couch Cushions

Since I am postdating these entries, I can look at this couch while I write with hopes for having our own comfortable couch back maybe even by the time this is posted (or not). But for now I really am very grateful for our ugly couches and chairs. Kaden and Ammon and Noah have had a blast these past few months building forts and tower and walls, and making "playgrounds" for Micah to crawl all over and explore. Our own couch has cushions that are softer and not very "boxy" and I am pretty sure they won't balance or stack as well as these ones do.

Gratitude Month--T

(isn't he handsome?)

Travis
I will just tell a little about my favorite person, without getting too personal, somehow. I am truly the luckiest person in the world to be married to Travis. He is so perfect for me and he is a wonderful husband and father. He is talented, strong, smart, kind, fun, righteous, patient, disciplined--I could go on forever but I just don't have forever on here. He bring a calmness and peace into our home. He is so patient with me and good to me. He must think on a daily basis that he married a crazy lady--but he never even tells me that. Husbands have to put up with a lot, and there are times that he just can't comprehend what's going on in this head and heart of mine, so he just hugs me and does his best to make my life wonderful. And it is--I thank my Heavenly Father every day that I have Travis.

Gratitude Month--S

SISTERS!


Not only was I raised with 4 wonderful sisters, but I inherited another when Jeremy got married, and Trav's sister, Sheri, when I got married, plus 5 MORE sister-in-laws (Trav's brothers' wives). It's great. But in the interest of time, I want to talk about the original 4. And do that much more briefly than I would like to. Every one of us is so different. As we grew up we all had our own interests and personalities and that was so fun. I am so proud of each of my sisters and their talents and accomplishments. I love them each and learn from them. I have so many good memories about and with each of them, and we have so much fun when we get the chance to get together. My dream is to all someday live on the same street. Wouldn't that be awesome?. . . It may be when we are in our seventies or eighties, but that's okay.

Gratitude Month--R

Repentance and Resurrection

I am grateful for a loving Savior and his sacrifice that made it possible for me to repent and become better each day. I am grateful that this life is a gift and that it is only the beginning. I am grateful for the knowledge and testimony I have that families are an eternal unit.

Gratitude Month--Q

Our kids still have a Quiet time every day, even after they stop taking naps. It started with me not being quite ready to give up Noah's naptime when he was about 3. My original reasons were probably selfish, but I was also convinced he still needed his naps and might fall asleep once in awhile at least. But we soon started to see how good it was for the kids to have a time to themselves. Noah had to come up with something to do on his own and a whole new creative side started to emerge during rest time. He taught himself to read and did that a lot, drew pictures, made picture books, wrote recipes, and all kinds of cool things. And now with more than one child, I think it helps to separate them and let them have a little time to themselves sometimes. They are better friends later because of it (I think). And yes, I also enjoy that time to myself to reset, collect myself and accomplish all kinds of things in great time. Sometimes lately I will even take turns spending part of rest time with one child reading to them or writing with them. It's a good one on one time and I really enjoy it. I should do it more often. --oh so grateful am I for quiet time. . .

Gratitude Month--P

Pregnancy

Okay, I'll have to do a little explaining here. To be honest, I do not like to be pregnant or what it does to me. I am not even one of the sick sick pregnant people who throws up for nine months and is on bed rest for 3 months at the end. I think my pregnancies are pretty routine and the discomforts and horrible parts are really common. But it hard on me, nonetheless. I dread it each time and every day I am not pregnant, I feel grateful for how wonderful it feels. So it's weird that I decided to choose this one. But here's the thing, when it comes down to it, there is something very amazing and powerful and special in the fact that there is a real and perfect life growing in my body (not now) and that Heavenly Father lets us be such a huge part in the creation of life. I do love love love feeling that life inside of me moving all of the time, the excitement of everyone in the family as we can't wait to meet this new little spirit, and the overwhelming love you immediately feel upon that first meeting--much stronger than you knew was possible. And even though I feel so tired and sore and achy and miserable (wow, what a complainer--I'm just trying to be honest)--I am also truly amazed and grateful then entire time that this life can grow inside of me. I would not trade that experience for anything. It is amazing.

Power of Prayer
I am so grateful to know God hears and answers our prayers. I am grateful to have a way to communicate with Him throughout each day, to express gratitude and reset goals and ask for blessings when need be.


“Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things, ye shall be lifted up at the last day” (Alma 37:36–37; )

Gratitude Month--O

The Great OUTDOORS

Up in the Tetons The beach here at Tyndall

Waterton National Park
I am so grateful for the world we live in and amazed by the beauty all around us that comes in so many forms. The mountains are my favorite, but I am stretching my letter "0" to include mountain, lakes, rivers, valley, streams, ocean and beaches, island, sunsets, trees, and everything beautiful in the world. All of these thing help us to feel the spirit and help us to know God loves us and has given us everything and is there to guide and direct us. Oh, I wonder if it is cheating to add dolphins in here, since I am long past the letter "D". . .

I also love to watch the Olympics. People who have learned to do amazing things. It is full of inspiring stories of people who have overcome obstacles and are great examples of hard work and discipline. There is such a good feeling that comes as the world seems to put aside it's differences and come together for a couple of weeks. I feel uplifted and energized by it. And it's just a lot of really cool things to watch. I love the gymnastics, and figure skating the most, but I really like to watch most of the events.

Gratitude Month--N

Noses --I am grateful for a nose to smell with. Sure there are some smells you may not wish to experience, but there are so many good and fresh and wonderful smells--fresh mountain air, flowers, cedar, cinnamon apple Christmas scent stuff (?), Travis =), lots of foods, etc. And about the bad smells--what if you couldn't smell that milk has gone bad before tasting it? I have a friend who basically doesn't have a sense of smell (she is thin, granted)--and people always had to tell her when her baby needed to be changed. I had never thought of that before, but not being able to smell even the yucky things could be a problem. I am thankful my smeller works just fine.

Neighbors--Most of our married life we have been very blessed with having wonderful neighbors. I am so so grateful for them and their friendships and support and examples to me. Here we are, in the TLFs for these past 3 months, where we have gone through 13 sets of neighbors now (usually they are here 1-3 nights, and there have been a couple that we had for 1-2 weeks, and much of the time no one at all). It's been good for me to have to figure out how to solve my own problems and to learn that it is possible, but I am eternally grateful for all of my past neighbors and pray that Heavenly Father will one day bless me again with such people.

Gratitude Month--M

My MOM

I admire my Mom more than I can possibly express. I always knew she was wonderful and did so much and sacrificed for us. Yet something about being a Mom myself makes me marvel every day and remember more of the things she did with us and wonder how in the world she had the patience and motivation to do it. From doing big projects and jobs with us to teach us the importance of work, to the work she put into Family Home Evening and teaching us the Gospel, to supporting us in whatever activities we were involved in. She went to Nursing school with 6 children at home! I went through that same program and barely made it with just myself to take care of. And she did it well. She is the best nurse anyone could ask for (just ask anyone who has ever had her as a labor nurse), and even a better mom and grandma.

My mom has always made me feel secure. She is calm in situations where a calm presence is needed. She loves her grandkids and expends more energy than she has in reserve to play with them and be with them. She puts everything she has into whatever she does and does it well.

My mom is genuine and real. She is caring and helpful, and so talented and creative. She is fun, and full of energy. And very selfless. She puts her whole self into whatever she is doing. She is amazing. And one of the most admirable things about her is her unconditional love and loyalty to her family. If we make a bad choice, she may hurt and ache for us and agonize over us, but she would never love us any less. She doesn't favor any of us over the others and there is no competition for her love. She has plenty to go aroundI love my mom!

Gratitude Month--L

Laughter

Point #1: I don't think anyone can argue that there is anything better than a baby's laugh.

Point #2: I always thought I would be at least kind of a patient Mom, but it turns out, it is harder than I thought it would be. When we can remember to implement it, one of the best strategies to help our kids behave and cheer me (and them) up at the same time, is to somehow make it into a joke. When I am tempted to just snap at Noah, because he is getting way too emotional, I can crack a joke, and --wow. He actually smiles and his meltdown is diffused--at least much of the time. I need to remember to try that more.

Point #3: Some of the best moments between Trav and myself are when some child does something funny, and our eyes meet and we start laughing. I don't know why, but I love that!

Humor is one of the best defenses against anger, it can bring peace and fun to our homes. I want our house to be a fun place for our kids. I want them to have lots of good memories and experiences that we will be talking about and laughing about in the future.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

This was on the funniest home videos a long time ago--it's one of our favorites!

Goodbye TLF--Hello More TLF

This moment snuck up on me a bit, but it's here and we are off on our next adventure. Travis completely is last F22 Training flight yesterday, and today was a day of packing and gathering records and running lots of errands, and tomorrow we are off to Virginia. We are taking our time to get there, giving ourselves three days, and then we will just check out the temporary lodging there, since that's the fun thing to do--while we look for a great house to rent. Wish us luck and guidance from on high. . . Oh, yeah, so I guess that means who knows when we'll be back hooked up to the world again. At least it will seem like we are here, since I do have my gratitude entries set up to post every day. We are excited to finally get a routine and get where we are going!

Gratitude Month--K

My Kiddos

Noah is so smart. He is always trying to understand deep and complicated things that I never consider. He is always wanting to know more. He wants to do what is right. He feels thing so deeply, which can be a big challenge, but I hope this can make him into a very great and special young man some day. He is a great helper, especially with Micah. It's fun to see his eyes soften whenever he sees his baby brother, and he is so good at keeping him safe and entertaining him when I need him to. I am so grateful for Noah.

Kaden is sweet and innocent. Trav and I joke and say sometimes that he is more innocent than certain younger brothers, even (that doesn't mean Micah). He has the cutest dimple that goes along with his big shy smile. He tickles my back in the morning an brushes my hair at night, and when I pick him up from school he lights up when he sees me and runs as fast as he can to jump on me and hug me. That makes me feel good. I am sure grateful for Kaden.


Ammon is so funny. I like to stare at his face while he talks and tells us all of the serious things in his life. He makes me smile many times every day. His personality makes him fun for everyone and it's fun to watch him learn and grow. He has a super imagination and all kinds of funny little quirks that we enjoy. So despite the whining and tantrum throwing stage that he has embraced, lately, I am very glad we have Ammon as a bit of comic relief in this family.

Micah brings joy to everyone in this family. How special to have such a sweet innocent being to bless our lives. No one can get angry with him or be mean to him (yet). He is full of smiles and laughter. Kaden can't resist making lots of loud and repetitive noises when he sees Micah , and I am forced to be patient and let him, because he just loves his brother, and it helps me even more when Micah always smiles and laughs at the very noises that I want to stop. I am grateful for his happy disposition and big smile, and for his hair. I love bald babies, but it's been fun having one with hair this time around. He also crawls around the house making joyful noises whenever he sees something or someone exciting. It's the best sound ever.

I hope I can become a better and more patient Mom with these spirits that God has entrusted me with. What a huge blessing to be a parent.

AAAH!

So Kaden just flushed a racquetball down the toilet. Should I be scared to use that toilet? Should I tell maintenance? Should I not be posting this on my blog? I would never have known except that Ammon witnessed it and was crying because I believe the ball was originally stolen from him. How ironic is it that tomorrow is the letter "K" and I am truly grateful for my Kids--but they sure stump me and test me daily. . . Anyway, I guess now I will take control of the situation. I didn't really think a racquetball would go down very well, but it seems to have. . .

Gratitude Month--J

I am grateful that people are like JELLYBEANS--they come in so many flavors and that is what makes them fun. I love that everyone has a different personality and different views and ways of doing things. I love to see the things that I like and that I want to develope in myself. It makes me a better person (I hope).

But after that one, I thought of an even better one. . .

JOY IN THE JOURNEY

In this last conference, President Monson gave a talk about having joy in the journey. These were a couple of my favorite quotes, because he says it best. . .

"Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly."

. . .

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly."

. . .

"Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”4

I was trying to choose just one nice summarizing quote, but that was really hard. It is just a super great talk. To read the whole thing click here. I hope I can remember these things every day and use it to be a better mom, wife, and friend.